balancestruggle

Hi, I’m D.

 Here’s my deal.  I am a 33 year old professional counsellor/psychotherapist who recently began grad school.  I have struggled with my weight and body image issues since just before puberty.   Recently, say the past 9 years, I have been in recovery from an eating disorder - mostly bulimia with bouts of anorexia and a lot of ED-NOS.  I have been essentially symptom free for 6 years and in that time have put on a lot of weight.

 Before I go any further, yes, I do realize the strangeness of someone with this kind of history attempting to diet.  But it is time for me to look at my health in a way I’ve not been able to before.  This far into recovery, I feel I am ready to stop hiding behind the former diagnosis and face the fact that I’m not all that healthy these days.  Whereas I used to binge, purge and starve, these days I have swung in the opposite direction and do not think seriously about my eating at all.  The pendulum has swung really severely in two directions, and now I’m ready for something more moderate.

A middle ground.

Instead of going all crazy and restricting types of foods, I’d like to find a healthy balance that includes healthy foods and treats in reasonable proportions.  Instead of freaking out and “needing” to go for a 5K run to punish myself for eating a piece of cake, I’d like to be able to enjoy cake and running in moderate ways.  I’d like to not obsess about “getting it perfect” and get it “good enough.”

For the first time in a looooooooong time, I’m prepared to look at my weight and my exercise habits as a measure of my health.  You see, my mental health is better than it’s ever been.  Time to take care of the body now too.

I’m interested in meeting people who are also moderates.  I do not want to obsess about numbers too much, I don’t want to pressure myself to be a certain size or weight within a certain time.  I just want to see some slow steady progress in the general direction of the BMI range.  I want to see myself exercise more consistently, not just MORE.  I want to feel stronger and less stressed out.

Moderate friends would be appreciated.

I won’t encourage anyone to do stupid diet stuff, or be hard on themselves.  But I will encourage you to look at your emotional connection to food, your food connection to power, and your power connection to your body.  I’m interested in looking at these relationships and being VERY honest about my motives and my activities.

I have given myself permission in recent months to cry when I feel a craving to binge, purge or overexercise so that I can find out what emotion is underlying it and deal with the actual orignal problem.  And it’s been a big, wonderful deal for me.

I’m happy to share my postivity with anyone who thinks they may benefit from it.

Be well.  Feed the hunger of your body and soul with what nurtures you.  I will try to do te same.

D